Words after death.

     When you’re gone, how will you be remembered? What detailed words will people use to describe you after your death? Will they be words with positivity in them, or words with anger and hate in them? 

            Every day you are alive, you are around people. People you like, people you love, people you hate. Whichever one you are around, they will all have their opinions about you and will tell others what they think of you, using information that they know about how you act, and also, based on what they know about you from past knowledge about what you’ve done.

            You never know if today will be your last day. What if it were? I know it’s not the best way of thinking. Being like, “what if I die today?” But, then again, you can have a better outlook on life if you carry on that way. Everything- every moment- will really count.

            Anyway, if by some chance you were taken away without any knowledge what would your kids say about you? What would your friends and family say? There are so many rhetorical questions you just can’t know the answers to.  You might have the idea that you know what they think, but you will never fully know. So, make everything you do count. Nobody wants to be remembered as being a mean or hateful person. The best thing to do is treasure each moment you have because you don’t know how many more moments you will have.

I've learned. (Wrote when I was 19)

I've learned a lot in my 19 years on Earth. 

I've learned thoroughly that life is hard, and that it won't pause or slow down no matter how much you want it to. Hoping that it will serves no purpose. But, still, sometimes you just can't help feeling that way.

I've learned there's no way to prevent yourself from getting hurt. If you go through life trying not to get hurt, you still end up getting hurt. But, it's just you mainly that gets hurt. You also hurt the others that are trying to get close to you. Putting that wall up for what you think is safety, is a great way to push others away. Someone will fight for you only for so long before they give up and leave. Just be sure that you don't push the best people away from you.

I've learned to accept the past, no matter what. Make yourself believe you are okay with it until you actually are. Of course, you can seek help with getting closure with troubling memories that you can't seem to let go of. The past is the past. Why let the past affect your future? You can't change the past no matter how much you want to. Wishing for it isn't going to change anything. So why let the bad memories fog over your current life? 

I've learned you can't rely on medicine or solely on others to make you feel happiness that isn't really there. Happiness starts with you, and ends with you. If you are unhappy with something in your life, change it. Sometimes it's a simple change, other times it's difficult and takes a lot of time to fully happen. The end result is all that matters. Happiness is worth fighting for and making sacrifices. 

I've learned to not let others bring me down. They say cruel and hurtful things to me to make up for some insecurity they have, so why should I be brought down to their level? I have to rise above the things that are said about me. I'm better than letting morons bring me down. 

I've learned you can get close to people. But, don't get too close. I think it's safest to keep some distance. Don't put your whole life on them. Then, if something goes awry, you are destroyed in every aspect. Keep a safe distance. But, still have enough closeness.

I've learned that you have to be your own best friend. People will come and go throughout your life. You will always have you. You will always be stuck with you. Better learn to love and appreciate yourself. The quicker you do, the easier life will be. 

I've learned that love isn't like the romance movies or fairytales you grow up watching or reading. But, it has the ability to be something great and beautiful. But, can also cause you a lot of pain. It's not always worth fighting for if you are with the wrong person. In the end, it will feel right when you are with “the one”. Don't carry on being with someone who isn't making you feel worthwhile or loved. As Marilyn Monroe quoted, “It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.” 

I've learned you need to release your feelings and not bottle them up. Only so much can be held in until you lose it. Rage and anger building up isn't worth you having a few moments where you appear to be stronger than you actually are. It's okay to cry. Everyone is human, and it doesn't make you weak to cry. But, you do need to find healthy ways to deal with your emotions and not just keep them bottled up inside. 

I've learned that you need to dream and have wishes for how you want your life. But, you can't let those take over your reality. Just like everything else in life, you need to find the balance. 

I've learned that everything happens for a reason. Whether good or bad, there is a reason for everything that happens in your life. Maybe so you realize how strong minded you actually are. Or, maybe so you realize a problem you need to fix, etc. Sometimes really horrible things happen, and you can't for the life of you figure out at first why the event occurred. But, once you dig down, there is always a positive. Every negative can be turned into a positive. Sometimes you can figure that out pretty much instantly. Other times, it can take days, weeks, or even years for you to find the good. But, it's always there. 

I've learned a lot in my 19 years of existence. With age comes wisdom. I know that I am a wise and intelligent person and I know there is so much more that I will learn as I grow older and mature more. But, I'm ready to learn,the hard or easy way. 

Tell Me.

Tell me I’ll wake from this dream. Tell me everything I’ve come to know doesn’t exist. Tell me this isn’t my life. Tell me this isn’t what I’ve become. Waken me from my slumber, bring me back to life. Tell me everything will be okay. Take this misery that has burrowed itself within me. Bring me the joy and solace I so desperately crave. Tell me life is so much more than this. Tell me I can do anything I put my heart and mind to. Tell me you’ll always be there, even when I’m hardest to handle. I feel myself falling apart and slipping away. Tell me you can save me from myself. Just please, tell me anything.

Dreamer.

Me, I’ve always been a dreamer. I’m the one that hopes for the best things. I’m the one that tries to find beauty in everything. But, I dream of so many things. The one thing that I yearn for is to be in love.

That is my biggest dream. Love is beautiful. Love is the only thing that makes this life worth living. I want that.  I want to know what it feels like to truly love someone with your all. To be able to say that because of that person, you are you.

I do most of the time find myself dreaming about being in love.  I also think about being with a guy just perfect for me. Then, I wake up to the realization that I, Angela, am alone. I feel now that that’s just how it’s meant to be. I’ve never felt like I deserved such a beautiful thing like love. I am young. I try not to feel like I’m destined to be alone. But, until I do find my so called “soul mate”, I will continue to be the dreamer. The one that hopes for the best things.

Love.

Love. 
Love is what many live for.
The point of existance.
The reason why we're here.

We all strive to fall in love, 
and stay in love.
Some get this privilege,
while others only live with a dream.

Or some fall in love, 
but have the one they fall in love with fall out of love with them.
Which makes them shut out any chance of love later in life.
Love can be the most beautiful thing,
or what slowly kills you and destroys you.

Love brainwashes you.
You lose perception of reality.
All you see is the one you love.
You only think with your heart, 
not your head.
Love takes control.
Love. Love. Love. 
A beautiful thing you must be careful with.

Something I found. Don't remember writing at all, but apparently I did.

Maybe it's not me, 
Maybe it's my destiny, 
and just maybe you weren't made to lay next to me.


Maybe his past is clearing, 
and his future is me.
Maybe, just maybe,we can finally be.


Maybe he'll get it together, 
and his main could be me.
Maybe his hos will stop calling, 
and our souls could be free.


Maybe I live his lifestyle, 
and I could be his ride or die chick.
Yea maybe, just maybe, we can finally be. 

I promise.

I promise that when my time on earth is done,
you can look back at my life and say that I was somebody,
and that I did make a difference to someone.